


He's Mighty Mighty

by pikeisaman



Category: Tango & Cash
Genre: Buddy Cops, Cash isn't straight and loves it, Crossdressing, Humor, Just Dudes Being Dudes, M/M, Tango is probably not and trying not to think about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 08:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2615108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikeisaman/pseuds/pikeisaman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tango should have realized that someone like Cash would go for the red version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Mighty Mighty

**Author's Note:**

> I always meant to finish this so I could post it, but apparently the would be sex scene is never going to happen so I wrote like two extra paragraphs and called it a day, you're welcome. I should get props for being the first person to think of this at least.

Tango should have realized that someone like Cash would go for the red version.

The lingerie fit Cash's very masculine body like a glove, the red lace only barely covering the bulge between his legs. Tango stared, eyebrows disappearing into his hairline as he watched his partner sit backwards in one of his kitchen chairs, his slim legs covered in silk stockings. When Tango had given Cash a key to his apartment, he never expected anything like this would happen. That was a huge mistake, underestimating Cash’s ability to do the most socially unacceptable thing.

Cash gave Tango a cocky grin and a little wave, "Hey there partner."

Deep breaths, find your inner calm, none of his traditional ‘don’t punch Cash out’ methods were working. Tango scrubbed at his face with a palm, dropping his briefcase to the floor. Cash kept on grinning, seemingly unaware that he was (once again) dressed up like some sort of stripper nightmare.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sometimes the most direct way was the best.

Cash open his eyes wide with badly faked surprise, “Moi? Oh I’m just…hanging around.”

“Hanging around.” Unable to even put a question mark on the end of that, Tango’s statement just hung in the air.

Cash gave a playful shrug and crossed his ankles, “Waiting for you.”

“I can’t say I appreciate it. Get out of my house.”

The look Cash gave him would have melted lesser men than Ray Tango, “You sure you want me to?”

Tango rolled his eyes, “No I want to make an honest queen of you and move to San Francisco- _get out of my house._ ”

“Well I’m not looking for any long-term commitments right now thanks, but my night is free,” Quipped Cash. He ran his hands over his waist, just barely covered by a scarlet corset. It took only a second too long for Tango to drag his eyes away.

“Quite frankly, I’m not surprised,” Tango remarked snidely, trying to avoid the way that Cash’s muscles rippled as he shifted in his chair, “I want to be free of you myself.”

“See I don’t think you do.”

It was impossible not to laugh at that, “REALLY? You think that- that,” Tango gestured wildly at Cash, “that _rubbing your junk_ on my chairs is attractive? You think that’s going to make me want to spend more time with you, and not just force me to buy vast quantities of disinfectant?”

Cash gave him a blank look, “Yeah.”

Cupping his ear Tango leaned forward, “I’m sorry were those the delusions of a mad man I heard just then?”

“Well let’s face it; if I had shown up in a pair of granny panties and an old Yankee sweatshirt, I’d still be the most attractive thing in this room,” Cash gestured at himself confidently, spreading his legs wide, “But the way I look now? I’m _hot_ , I’m a brick. _House_.”

“Outhouse maybe,” Despite his words Tango’s eyes followed the line of Cash’s stockings all the way up. The man had nice legs, he grudgingly admitted to himself, even if they were absurdly slender compared to his chest. The phrase ‘top heavy’ sprung instantly to mind.

Not that his chest was bad either. The chest hair looked ridiculous next to the frills, but while Cash’s waist was almost as trim as his, Cash’s shoulders were broader. In the corset, it gave him the illusion of curves. Red was not his color though, the black dress had suited him much better-

“Hey my eyes are up here buddy,” Cash gave him a knowing look and a truly shit eating grin, “You were saying something completely wrong about an outhouse?”

Tango cleared his throat loudly, keeping his eyes locked firmly on Cash’s smug face, “Sorry I was temporarily blinded by this monstrosity.”

“Monstrosity is going a little far don’t you think? After all,” and here Cash’s eyes narrowed alarmingly, the grin grew even larger somehow, “Your sister was the one who helped me pick it out, and I think she’s got great taste.”

For a moment Tango thought he might actually be having a stroke, “My _sister_? You dragged _KATHRINE_ into this mess?”

“She was very helpful.”

Yes he was definitely having a stroke; he was going to die here with a man dressed like a burlesque show who corrupted his only baby sister, “I am going to throttle you Cash. I am going to choke the life from your body.”

“Now there’s a little of that fire I know and love,” Cash replied happily, like one of those inflatable clowns that keep popping back up regardless of how hard you punch, “Y’know you look like a constipated Chihuahua when you’re pissed, but it’s pretty cute. Makes you look less smug.”

For once in his life Tango found he had no idea how to respond beyond indignant sputtering.

“Well now you just look stupid-”

“WHAT exactly are you doing HERE, HUH? You practically break into my house,” okay so maybe he had used a key but that wasn’t the point, “I come home and you’re here wearing LINGERIE, acting like a lunatic-I could charge you with sexual harassment, you realize that- you’ve admitted to having my BABY SISTER HELP YOU PICK OUT UNDERWEAR and then on top of all that you INSULT my FACE.”

There was a pause, and Cash leaned back in the chair, looking properly shocked.

“Well when you scream about anything like that yeah it’s gonna sound bad.”

At this point all Tango could do was sigh, “I realize that I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but get out of my house.”

“Aw come ON RAY,” Cash jumped to his feet, and without the shield of the chair Tango could see pretty much everything that Cash was offering, “You like me, I know you like me, I know you like this even if you can’t admit it, can’t you ever just cut loose?”

“Not as loose as you, not in a million years,” Tango insisted vehemently, even as Cash advanced on him.

Cash rolled his eyes, “Well that’s a given. I’m at a level 20 loose; from you I’d be happy with a 4, or maybe a 6.”

Already berating himself for getting sucked into this tangent, Tango never the less asked, “How many levels of loose do you need to advance until you’re okay with sleeping with a man in women’s underwear.”

“I’m not just a man in women’s underwear, I’m your partner,” Cash gave him a cheeky smirk, “And I look good in this.”

Cash was entering his personal space, placing one of his big square unladylike hands on Tango’s waist, and before he could stop himself he blurted out, “It’s not the right color on you.”

Thankfully Cash stopped his advances, “What’s wrong with red, red’s sexy.”

Clothes being a comfortable ground for him, Tango rolled his eyes, “Yeah sure maybe on someone else. For you though… well partner, red is not your color.”

Cash looked like he was a second away from sulking, “What the fuck do you suggest then.”

Tango gave him a snide look over, even going so far as to do a little walk around, enjoying this moment on top, “For you I’d go with black.”

He sneered, “Hides the flaws better.”

His moment was quickly over though, when Cash reentered his personal bubble and lowered his eyelids, “So you preferred the black dress, is that what you’re saying.”

Tango tried to look away again, but there was really no place else to look, Cash seemed to be right in his face. He could feel Cash’s arm slowly creep back around his waist, and he was about to tell him off when he stopped. Peering down at Cash he asked incredulously,

“Are you wearing lipgloss?”

“Yeah,” Cash replied carelessly, as he leaned in close enough that Tango could feel his breath on his lips, “its cherry flavored.”

“That’s such a cliché and you are clinically insan-” Tango was rudely interrupted as Cash finally connected lips with him roughly.

Tango stumbled back in shock, only barely managing to keep himself from falling onto the floor. With true determination Cash kept kissing him throughout, going so far as to pull his bottom lip into his mouth and suck hard. Putting his hands up to stop Cash’s advances, Tango stopped and just...didn’t. Somehow they ended up on the couch with Cash on top, and Tango inwardly worrying why he wasn’t as upset as he should be.

“Ray,” breathed Cash against his mouth, sliding his hands down Tango’s three piece suit, “C’mon Ray.”

Tango could feel every inch of Cash sliding up against him, even through his clothing it burned.

“I’m not like that,” muttered Tango, his glasses askew.

“Coulda fooled me,” Cash wiped at the corner of Tango’s mouth, causing his lips to twitch, “I got lip gloss on you, sorry.”

“I’m straight.” It didn’t seem to be the case anymore, but Tango thought it bore repeating regardless. After all, he could be straight. He should be straight. He had been straight until ten minutes ago.

“I’m not.” With that shocker, Cash ducked down and kissed him again. “Put your hands on my ass Ray.”

Tango’s hands flew to cover Cash’s backside, and gave it an experimental squeeze.

…

Maybe being heterosexual was overrated.


End file.
